


Battling for Life

by GinnyK



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s02e20 The Fall's Gonna Kill You
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-03-12
Updated: 2002-03-12
Packaged: 2019-05-31 04:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Post-episode toThe Fall's Gonna Kill You





	Battling for Life

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

**Battling for Life**

**by:** Ginny 

**Category:** Post-ep to _The Fall's Gonna Kill You_   
**Character:** Jed Bartlet  
**Rating:** YTEEN 

Lately all I do is get myself caught up in battles. With Abbey, with Leo, with the staff, with the public and with my own body. 

I'm really starting to get tired of it. Emotionally as well as physically. It's wearing me down. Piece by piece, battle by battle.

Abbey and I are at odds with each other over just about everything. We fight about our deal, my health, the kids, how I told the staff without letting her know first, how I didn't mention the health form to her on the phone. She was right; we do talk on the phone 3 times a day. But guess what, for the past few months we talked plenty, we just didn't say anything. It's amazing how we can be on the phone for half an hour and say absolutely nothing. She's scared, I know she is. She's trying to be strong and fight back against all of the things that are threatening to destroy me, to destroy us. I love it when she fights for me and for what I believe in, but does she have to fight with me? Against me? 

From the minute she entered the Oval Office this morning we were at each other's throats. Forget about kissing, we never even came close enough to touch each other. She came in that room in fighting mode and didn't back down, not one inch. We danced around a few subjects, Zoey, Ellie, the health form, the fact that she had to go spend some time with Oliver. She was in a worse mood when she got back from his office. We didn't fight though, that would have involved speaking to each other. She's kept her distance for most of the day. I might even be glad about that. I mean, how much can I take in one day. I do have other things to do, like run a country.

Which brings me to Leo. He's been amazing over the last week. And I'm sure I haven't told him that nearly enough. While we haven't been fighting like Abbey and I have been, we are still doing battle with each other. I've been short with him; I've questioned most of his ideas about the situation. How and when to tell the staff, telling the public, putting a poll in the field. And the list goes on and on.

I wanted to tell the staff all at once, after Toby. It was Leo's idea to tell the separately. And of course, looking back it probably was the right thing to do. But, my stubbornness has prevented me from telling him that. I really need to tell him.

As of an hour ago, the members of the senior staff all know. I'm glad that part is over. I think telling the public will be a piece of cake compared to telling the senior staff. They're my advisors, my friends, my family. I don't know if doing battle is the right term to use to describe what is going on between the staff and myself. Maybe not an outward battle, or a visible battle. But they are all battling inside, to digest the information I have dumped on them and to face an uncertain future. I am truly sorry for putting them through this. This wasn't my plan. 

Toby's reaction was, well, not exactly what I had expected. But then again, my own actions that night we not what I had expected either. I really thought he would ask how I was doing. But he was too caught up in the political implications of my announcement. I realize now that was just a mechanism to distance himself from the situation. And to keep from falling apart. But we got past it. And I know he made sure he was in his office when I told the rest of them. They knew they could go see him after leaving my office. And I think all of them did. And I'm glad.

Josh was next. I suppose he should have been after Leo but things didn't work out that way. I don't think that bothered him. Josh was the toughest person to tell. He's been through so much in the past year. He's just now, getting his life back to some semblance of normalcy. He's worked so hard in therapy, both physical and emotional. I hated to be the one to give him something else to brood about. His reaction was what I expected. He was hurt beyond belief. He was the one most affected by the sheer fact that I have an incurable illness. He was devastated, plain and simple. The first time he spoke he did ask how I was doing. And that almost broke my heart. While Toby excused himself to break down outside, Josh couldn't quite get up off the couch to leave. Out of respect for him and his feelings I excused myself and went outside while Leo stayed with him. I paced around for a while outside, trying not to look in the window. But I realized that from where they were sitting only Leo could see me, so I watched. I watched as my best friend comforted a man I love like a son. I watched as Leo handed Josh tissues, got him a drink, gave him a hug and even kissed the top of his head. Of course, watching all of this from outside reduced me to tears. Leo waved me back in when he saw that both Josh and I had regained our composure. Then the three of us talked strategy.

CJ was last night. Leo told her and then they came in to see me. She's smart; she knew something big was going on. She saw it in Toby's eyes, in Josh's eyes, in Leo's eyes and probably in my own. She stayed strong. She is the one who will be most affected professionally. And I think that hit her first and hit her hard. But she did ask how I was feeling. Although she kept her emotions in check with in the office with me, I know she was even angrier than Toby. She feels the most betrayed. And she has every right to, she was betrayed. I should have waited until Abbey was home to tell her. I don't know, something about that whole sisterhood thing, maybe it would have made it easier. But I realize now I was trying to make it easier on me, not on CJ.

Sam. It was like telling the kids all over again. He's so young, so innocent, so idealistic, dare I say, adoring of me. And I had to go and shatter this image he had of me. I wanted him to know sooner. Toby and Leo talked me in to waiting until tonight. It was late by the time we sat down. His reaction was, well, typical Sam. He stuttered around a while and then the weight of the situation hit him. The look on his face was one of a man whose entire world has been shattered. His eyes were full of pain, he was pale, his hair hung down across his forehead and his shoulders slumped. He sat quietly for a while, not sure what to say or do. Trying to control all that was going on inside of him. With Josh I left and let Leo stay with him. With Sam I asked Leo to give us a minute alone. I poured a drink for both of us and sat next to him on the couch. When he finally found his voice, he did ask how I was doing. The realization that he was the last of the senior staff to know didn't hit him as hard as I thought it would. I'm sure it will later. I'll let Toby explain that to him. We did talk for a while about strategy but it was late and we were both tired. So I essentially sent him off to bed with a handshake and a quick hug.

As he closed the door behind him, I collapsed on the couch. Leo came back in and did the same on the opposite couch. After a while I eventually got up and sat at my desk, when I am now. Leo, on the other hand, gave in to his exhaustion and is snoring softly. I should send him home, but there's something comforting about having him here, while I think, brood, contemplate, prepare.

Prepare for my next battle. The battle with the public. The battle is already starting, only the other side thinks the battle is with the Governor of Michigan. I wasn't sure about the poll and I spent considerable time battling with Leo about it. But Josh and Toby trust Joey and that's good enough for me. So we have a little less than 96 hours to wait for the results. My gut feeling is that they will not be good. But we will have to wait and see. 

Waiting. That's something I'm not real good at. Just ask the guy sleeping on my couch.

I guess that about does it for my battles against other people. Battles I can at least do something about. Battles where I don't feel completely powerless. But there is one more battle....

The biggest battle. The one I have no control over. The battle between my own body and the thing, called Multiple Sclerosis.

THE END 


End file.
